For whatever reason, you have come to a place in your life where you wish to have sex with a stranger. Congratulations. Most women will not have any trouble getting laid.
In the past, your best option probably would have been to pick someone up in a bar. Personally, I find this option a bit repellent. As an introvert, I am mistrustful of small talk. As someone who is past the first flush of youth, I do not like the odds. Newspaper ads, also a good option in the past, are more appealing to me in that people must present you with a nutshell character sketch. It is highly illuminating to see what people choose to reveal about themselves.
Since I do live in the modern world, the method I chose was the Internet—specifically Craigslist. I had previously found jobs, friends, and art supplies on Craigslist, why not a sex partner?
To proceed—you have two initial options: to respond to an ad that someone else has posted, or to place your own ad. There are, of course, advantages and disadvantages to both approaches. If you place your own ad, you will then receive all responses in your
email inbox, and can then pick and choose among them at your leisure.
If you place an ad, you will be immediately inundated with responses. Some of them will have ignored the parameters you’ve set out. Feel free to delete them. Many will include a picture of Mr. Happy. For me, that justifies automatic deletion. You may feel differently. I also screen for writing skills as a proxy for intelligence. Unfair? Perhaps. But if I don’t want to talk to a guy, I won’t want to fuck him, and the ones who can write generally can also talk. Once you’ve narrowed down your candidates according to your own preferences, you may start negotiating. (More on that later.)
Alternatively, you might choose to respond to someone else’s ad. Like the afore-mentioned newspaper ads, people will tell you a great deal about themselves in remarkably few words. Consider, for example, how the title “SUCK IT BITCH” gives a very different impression from “Do you feel like receiving a long, relaxing massage?” Both, of course, have their audiences. It is worth examining your immediate gut response to titles—you may discover an interest you didn’t know you had. Ad posters will generally give their age, as most of us do have a preference in this area.
Most also give a brief physical description, which is very useful if they are telling the truth. Often a picture is included. Again, these will often be of Mr. Happy. (If I may allow myself a judgmental parenthetical—it never ceases to amaze me how blatantly unflattering some of these pictures are. I appreciate being forewarned if your equipment is remarkably small, but do you really want to put it out there for the entire world to marvel at?) Or, they may include a head or torso shot. Or, there may be a more generic image of a sunset, a huge sticky bud, an example of the kind of woman they are looking for, or an illustration of activities they might wish to engage in.
Women posting ads do not include as many images. When women do include images of themselves, they tend to feature close-ups of scantily clad tits or asses. I have yet to see a genuine ad from a woman that included a picture of her “bits.” Women also may include images of desired activities or substances.
Once you have found an ad (or ads) that you wish to respond to, you must craft your opening email. Most people find it useful to have a “stock” statement ready to be adapted (or not) to individual ads. I like to comment on something about the ad that caught my eye, and then give a list of my attributes and habits that I know some people might object to: “I'm 35, 5’ and 130 lbs, a cigarette smoker who would like to quit, a
social drinker and 420 smoker with no plans to quit, a broke college student, can’t host, non-driving, and already seeing a small number of regular guys.” And conclude with “Still interested? Let’s talk.” I receive a response to this opening email about half the time.
One word to be aware of: discreet. (Often and unfortunately spelled “discrete.”) Many of the people seeking casual sex are married or otherwise attached. Whether or not this places them off-limits is, of course, up to your individual code of ethics. But if monogamy and honesty are important issues for you, you may wish to create a policy of whether or not you are comfortable being a party to an affair. Some advertisers make no secret of being married; even going so far as one ad I saw entitled “Sneak into my garage after my wife’s asleep!” Others may only tell you of their marriage the first time you meet, if ever. Often a potential partner is in a committed relationship, but with permission to seek outside partners. In this case, you need only consider how you feel about sharing your toys.
I cannot stress enough how important it is not to use your real name or primary email account until you are sure who is at the other end of your correspondence. Using a free web-based email with a fake name is an easy way to help protect yourself from being obsessively Googled and possibly even stalked. Crazy people are everywhere, and most especially on Craigslist.
You may or may not wish to include a picture with your reply. Most people do require a photo before meeting in person, but this is not universal. When selecting photos, you must keep in mind that any image you send may end up anywhere on the Internet. I suggest not sending anything that you would be ashamed to show to your grandmother. It is also important to choose pictures that portray you accurately. If you send a picture from five years and twenty pounds ago, your actual appearance is likely to be an unpleasant surprise, and that won’t be a nice situation for either of you. Naturally we all wish to present ourselves in the most flattering light, but honesty is more important.
Once you decide you're ready to meet a candidate, there are a number of steps you need to take to ensure your safety. Always arrange to meet in public. Although I am not usually a woo-woo sort of girl, I do firmly believe that people give off "vibes”, and that you should pay attention to your gut. If the man you meet makes you feel uneasy, even the tiniest bit, do not go anywhere with him.
I also strongly recommend that you keep a friend apprised of your whereabouts. Tell her who you are meeting and where, and call her again before you leave to let her know where you will be, and to set up a time when you will check in again. (It's also not a bad idea to have a code phrase you can use to signal that you are uncomfortable and may need help getting out of the situation.) If you decide to go home with the man (or take him home with you,) all you need to do is call your friend and be off.
If, however, you decide that this is not someone with whom you wish to pursue further acquaintance, it is best to say, simply and clearly, "I'm sorry, this isn't working for me." Do not allow yourself to be guilt-tripped-- this man is a stranger, and you do not owe him anything. If he shows any sign of anger or reluctance to leave, approach one of the staff members, explain that your blind date has gone sour, and stay within their sight until he is gone. Call your friend for backup or have someone escort you to your car. I do realize that this all sounds mortifying, but it is worth any amount of embarrassment to keep yourself safe.
(A quick aside on weapons-- it may be tempting to carry mace or a knife, but remember that anything you use as a weapon can also be taken from you and used against you. I am told, however, that a bottle of Visine squirted into his drink will leave your would-be attacker in severe distress within a half hour. Just so you know.)
But if the man seems decent, smells ok, doesn't set off any alarms etc., you may as well give him a try. Just make sure you take precautions and don't compromise. Even the best sex isn't worth risking your life.
Afterward, if it was lousy, leave as quickly as you gracefully can, saying brightly "Well, that was nice, see you around." Remember that you are under no obligation to see anyone again. Some duds may redeem themselves with a second chance, but frankly, most will not. If it really was nice, consider sticking around for more. When you do leave, say, “I’d love to see you again. You have my number, right?” Or, if you are a more forward sort of girl, make sure you get his. Not all men will want to see you more than once, but in my experience, most of them do.
So, now you’re well on your way to a distinguished sluthood. Just remember to watch your back, and have as much fun as you can.
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